Unqualified, but still called

Emmaus Church Community has given me the opportunity to write monologues meant to illuminate the potential feelings and thoughts of the life of King David as he goes from shepherd boy to King of Israel. This first monologue takes the perspective of a young man or boy who has received news of his calling, but struggles with doubts and impatience of not understanding how it will all play out. We've all been called to a life much greater than ourselves, so perhaps these words will resonate with you as well.

This is overwhelming, tedious, monotonous, repetitive, boring…overwhelming. I'm fighting thoughts that are trying to convince me that I'm wasting my time with these menial tasks. Am I wasting time? When's the main event going to take place? When will I start living out this legacy promised to me? Right now, I am not living out what I've been promised. I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen. I'm waiting for my life to start happening. This waiting, this monotony, this mind-numbing repetition cannot be the path to my God-given destiny. Is it? Will God sustain me in the meantime? Will God give me the strength needed to bear the weight of this day-to-day drudgery? I need strength and I need hope. I need a hope that can get me through this. I need more than a promise of what's to come. I need hope to assure me of its inevitable arrival. I want to arrive, but do I have what it takes to set off on the journey? I am not qualified to do what You've called me to do. Where do I start? I am small, weak, unprepared, fearful and I'm not the only who doubts my own abilities. I've got plenty of skeptics. All of their doubting is an obstacle in my path. Their doubting just piles upon the weighty thoughts already swirling in my mind. God, I've heard your promises and I know your call, but Your voice amidst the noise of my obligations just fades. I struggle to trust. There, I said it. I'm not sure that I believe what you've said. It's not so much that I'm unsure about Your strength, it's me that I'm skeptical of. What is it that You see in me that you want to use? I'm not seeing what your seeing. Maybe I won't believe it until I see it. Maybe I need your hope to help me believe.

If you're interested in listening to Emmaus' sermon on this particular idea of being unqualified for the calling God has placed on your life please go check out the teaching by clicking here. I hope you are encouraged by it!

...ramble on...

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