You would think that I'd know this by now, being that I'm 25 years old and all, but I keep re-learning the fact that the dreading I do over having to do things I don't want to do is almost always worse than actually doing the thing itself.
I know this because, without fail, once I buck up and do what I've been dreading to do I realize that it wasn't that bad after all and, in fact, the worse part of it was the dreading and anxiety I'd piled on my mind in the hours leading up to doing the thing I dreaded doing.
Dread is a great verb; it implies an intense reluctance and fear. I think of it as an angst-ridden worry. When dreading to do something, or be the person I know I should be, my energy gets sapped. I start to wonder about all the cool things I could've done with that energy had it not been wasted on dreading.
I dread dreading things. Oh Lord, the cycle is vicious.
Another thing that I've learned, but haven't always known, is that when I dread something it's usually an indication that something good is about to happen. It's as if some external force is causing this "dread" to seize me in order to prevent me from breaking 'on through to the other side,' if you will.
So I'm trying to reconfigure my perspective. I'm trying to broaden my perception of the things I loathe. I'm trying to believe and hope that these difficult things I dread doing are actually going to make me a better, stronger, wiser, and healthier individual. I'm starting to give dread the finger.
If I were to give into the dread as often as it irks me I'd never do anything and I'd never be anything but a reluctant, fear-filled man. Reluctant, fear-filled people don't lead very interesting lives.
I think I fear failing a lot. And this fear keeps me from doing a lot of things. What's interesting is that more than the fear of failure I fear not trying at all. Isn't that torture? It's a lose-lose situation. You can try and fail and the fear wins. Or you can not try and not fail and the fear still wins.
I guess that trying is the best option because at least then there's a chance for success. OK, good talk. I'll keep trying.
Suck it, dread.