It's 2011 now, and I haven't figured out all the things I still want to be. I thought it would be different by now, being this old and having done so many things, but so much of me feels the same. Things that I don't like about me feel the same, and things that I do like about me haven't really improved much over the years.
I'd always hoped to strengthen my strengths and annihilate my weaknesses, but those little bastards keep me humble by keeping me consistently making mistakes.
I made some big mistakes this year, and they revealed a lot about my character. These mistakes forced me to look into a mirror and see what I had become; what I really was all along.
It's easy to have a false perception of your own successes, and even shortcomings, but humility lets you sift out the weeds from the roses. I had to look in the mirror this year and take a good, long look at a face that was far from being any rose.
I was a proud prickly weed that shot out painful stickers and was generally unpleasant to look at.
Growing up is hard because life is hard. If there isn't any resistance in life then I don't think you're really living--you are probably doing more of a floating thing down the river of life.
Floating feels nice because it requires no effort, but ultimately you don't end up anywhere you really want to be, and the current and winds decide how fast you're going to get there.
I've done a lot of floating around, or drifting if you will, towards no particular destination, not being deliberate or intentional about accomplishing much of anything. That kind of living is very bland, annoying, boring, disappointing and unsatisfactory.
You can live your life like that, but it wasn't very fun for me.
There are certain movies that really grab me somewhere in my heart and soul. They call out to some deep longings and make me hope and wish for something bigger, better, and more fulfilling.
One of the common themes in these movies, or books, are struggle, perseverance, and overcoming hardship in life. It's the struggling through hard times that make the good times so good.
It's the submersion into freezing cold water that puts an end to aimless floating and sobers you up right quick for reality.
There are a lot of people that don't know what reality is, and they want to question it and tweak it and not live in it, but it usually finds a way of winning out.
Truth has a way of showing up in a big way after having been neglected for longs spurts of time.
Truth can sometimes be as loud as a train or as soft as a hummingbird's wings.
The mistakes I made this year have been revealed to me in a loud way because I'd become deaf to that softer noise. I'm grateful for the increase in volume because it has saved me from another year of compromise, floating, and being an ugly weed-face.