Sometimes you've just got to write, even when you've got nothing in particular to say. Hell, that's what this whole mad blogging craze is founded on anyhow. Writing makes me feel better--it takes my narrow perspective on life and blows it to smithereens. I love the way that 'smithereens' looks all spelled out. It looks like it must be wrong, but nope, that's how you spell it. And damn, it looks good.
I've been thinking of heavy stuff. Stuff that I don't really want to share with the world, and we all know that the world gives a big rat's ass about this blog! So, I'm going to keep things to myself, but a smidgen of this "heavy stuff" has to do with wanting to be more brave and challenging myself with things that I shy away from most often. What are these things that I shy away from? Oh goodness, I don't know...lots of stuff.
I believe, or imagine sometimes, that there's a very different life out there that I am missing out on living. I'm probably thinking about this more frequently right now because I just celebrated another year of my living (25 years old and I'm still here on planet earth.) Part of me hadn't really thought about what I'd be doing at this age. I haven't really planned out, or thought of much of anything I'm going to do with my life (to a certain extent of course, but on the other hand, I'm the king of thinking and over-thinking about life.) I'm convinced that planning is worthless, but goals are not. I know that there has to be some general direction to be heading. I'm afraid at times that I'm not heading in that direction.
I like watching shows about famous people's lives and careers. I also like watching the History Channel. I know that I am not the only person who likes these things because these things are popular, and therefore, must be liked by a lot of people. What I like about these things are that they tell a story from start to finish. While you and I enjoy watching the story unfold, like some impersonal movie, there is a very real and personal human being that had to struggle through a lot of life before some television executive called him up about doing a show (or in other circumstances, a loved-one of the famous person is contacted about logistics involving the show.) It's fun to watch other people struggle and then succeed. It's fulfilling to watch some juvenile delinquent become a multi-millionaire rap star, or some geek become a world-famous film director.
I just love having the whole picture; the grand perspective of a life lived and a legacy left behind.
I'll be honest in saying that I don't know where I'm going, and most of the time I don't know what I am doing. But I'm thinking that in my TV biography, these years will be known as the "years that shaped Dane Johnson into the great man he became," or some crap like that.
All I know right now, is that my perspective is very limited. Things that I could not anticipate may very well happen tomorrow morning, or the next day, or the next. Who knows. All this "heavy stuff" might be turned into a black screen with words reading "Ten Years Later..." and all that I think is too heavy to bear might turn out to be worthless nothings.
In the meantime, I want to blow this "heavy stuff" to smithereens.