(en route to the monastery in New Mexico)
This trip feels different than the hundreds that have come before it. Packing my suitcase seems trivial. I know there are necessities that I must take with me, like shoes and clothing, but I don’t know how to pack for a stay at a place that has been built to facilitate meeting with God.
How do you prepare for that?
My toothbrush is packed for the sake of my teeth, right next to Scriptures packed for the sake of my soul.
Feigning confidence, I lie to myself and repeat, “it’s going to be great.” Truthfully, I don’t know how it’s going to be at all. I’m just hoping that it’s going to be great.
But what would great even entail?
I want to be less anxious, less concerned with things that don’t matter or are out of my control. I want to be absorbed in the love of God and know Him more. I want to be coordinated in the spiritual realm, so that I can walk around there.
Over the years, I’ve sincerely prayed for God to show me more of Himself and to give me opportunity to follow Him into a deeper knowledge of His love. I’ve prayed for humility and He’s delivered that a few times. I’ve prayed for direction and He’s always provided a way. Now, I’m just praying for a simpler, more surrendered mind.
I want to see more beauty and be more grateful and love more selflessly. These things don’t come easy to me. My mind is my enemy.
I’m packing for a trip unlike any trip I’ve ever taken before. Never before have I so intentionally sought to be changed and reset.
I keep telling myself that it’s going to be great.