Beliefs, dreams and living differently
A small, uncertain part of me believes that one day perhaps, I could be a writer. This belief doesn't feel much different than the dreams I had of being a firefighter when I was four, except that now the belief lacks the blind faith that accompanied my youth. Excitement, determination and lots of daydreaming fueled this young firefighter's dream and my belief in it made me live, play and think differently.
Let's say we were playing out on the front lawn and someone fell down and got hurt. My firefighter instincts would kick in and I'd be the first to the injured person's side for medical assistance and overall support. Or, better yet, a cute, innocent kitten becomes trapped up on the highest branch of the tallest tree in the neighborhood. Well, I'd grab my gear and start climbing up to the rescue. The beliefs I had about myself and my goals changed the way I acted. I was probably a little overboard, but you're allowed that as a kid.
My nephew believes that he's a legitimate cowboy. Someone asked him the other day, "do you want to be a cowboy when you grow up?' He replied, "no, I already am a cowboy." He's only three, yet he's sure of his belief in his cowboy identity. And my goodness do those beliefs shape his actions and attitude. Every morning when he wakes up he makes the rounds through his house, roping invisible cattle. If I'm lucky enough I am the cattle most mornings.
Even with such shaky confidence in my writing, my dreams of becoming a writer has led to some action recently. I applied for an internship position with the Sacramento Press. I don't have a degree in Journalism, English or Writing of any kind. Basically, I told my interviewer that i loved to write and I'm passionate about getting better at it. Amazingly enough, I was granted the internship and thrown into the world of Journalism.
I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. I'm certain that even in this entry there are grammatical errors that have gone right over my head. I do care about these things, but my fear of messing up won't stop me from writing anyways.
When I was a child firefighter I wasn't always able to save the kitten or put out the imaginary flames. Sometimes things got out of hand-most of which took place in my imagination. It was when things got out of hand that I was forced to dream bigger in order to deal with that day's catastrophe. For example, if the flames surrounded me I'd call down a rainstorm to help me put out the fire. Weather's aid and intervention were always at my disposal as a child firefighter. When things became really difficult I could either give up and stop playing, or expand my vision and broaden my imagination. It was a lot more exciting to dream bigger than to give up.
I'm like a kid again with this writing stuff. I'm facing situations that are out of my control and out of my realm of expertise. Facing all of this new stuff is forcing me to dream differently. Eventually, I'll be living, playing and thinking differently too.